‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’: Is It Worth the High?

Welcome “Is It Worth the High? ”, where our authors see recently released films, listen to the latest album drops, and attempt different experiences while high to ascertain whether they’re worth your time, money, and most importantly, your cannabis buzz. This week, Dante Jordan returns to Jurassic Park for the latest installment of dinos run amok. Is the fifth installment of this franchise worth viewing while elevated?


High Experienced (1-10): 10 + 10. This breed is next level.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, starring Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard as Owen Grady and Claire Dearing, is a movie about dinosaurs (duh). After finding out a volcano on the island of Isla Nublar (where the dinosaurs are posted up) is about to erupt and kill everything, Owen and Claire create a plan to rescue the rest of the dinosaurs. However, that plan soon goes up in flames as the rescuers who travel to the island to help them are revealed to be double-crossing animal traffickers. They steal all the dinosaurs and return them into a wealthy science dudes that are gathering research and genetics in order to make a super dinosaur, the Indoraptor.

At the risk of being the bearer of bad news, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is absolute poop. It’s way more action and CGI than actual storyline, which only works in Michael Bay films. This movie doesn’t push the franchise forward (or in any way, for that matter), and in the end of the day, the movie really gives you no reason to care.

The entire goal of this is to introduce a new evil dinosaur weapon in the Indoraptor, but they already did this in the first movie with Indominus Rex, so it’s a hint that falls flat. Then, after already failing with their primary trick, they double down with a couple more twists that finally just come off as lazy and pressured.

Rounding out the nonexistent storyline is some pretty subpar acting. Hollywood wants to sell us this “Chris Pratt is a leading man” fantasy, but the guy just does not have the required goods. He’s a funny man, but that’s where it stops. The man doesn’t have any thickness –he can’t cause you to feel things with his acting, so in those scenes when he joins with Blue, the raptor that the new World franchise centers around, the movie should draw you in emotionally but doesn’t. I loved him in Parks & Rec, but please, Hollywood, stop trying to make Chris Pratt something.

The only truly great portion of the movie is Justice Smith as Franklin Webb, a nerdy scientist who spazzes at every slight noise he hears and definitely has no place in the field with dinosaurs. He was funny, he was believable, he turned up when he needed to and fell back when he didn’t; he did everything that you’d want in the comedy-relief sidekick of a movie.

Is It Worth the High? No. It’s a really bad movie that sacrifices its core narrative for explosions and CGI. It’s basically The Fast and the Furious: Dinosaur Drift. You ought not waste your high with this movie. Instead, visit an art festival or something.



Published at Thu, 28 Jun 2018 00:03:01 +0000

Posted in: News

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